Sometimes getting out of debt means asking for help. And accepting it if its offered to you. For some people this is easy while for others… We would rather have our teeth pulled out than admit we need help. Unfortunately for me the need for independence and my pride come along with my need to do the right thing. This means learning from my mistakes and paying back what I owe.
I used to be good with money. And I mean very good. I would hide away most of the cash I got when I was a kid. It even got to the point my grandfather would give me money for the fair and make me promise I would spend every penny of it. All I could think was how much better my account balance would look with that extra $20 in it. So how did I go from having finances under control to sliding headlong into bankruptcy?
Really the spending started with my move to Indiana for college. Being far from home and knowing there were huge student loans looming over me already was enough of an excuse for me. I made bad decisions but I chose not to care. I looked around at the other students at the private school. They complained about being broke college students while buying books for classes.
Then they would wander outside in their brand name shoes and jeans and call their friends up on their smart phones. ‘I can’t be doing that bad. Sure I’m spending a lot but those guys are way worse.’ What I didn’t understand is that what those kids had didn’t in any way apply to me. The only person I need to keep track of and pass judgment on is myself. It was hard coming clean and admitting the real immature person was me.
Getting back from school and moving, unemployed, back into my parents’ house was a struggle. I didn’t know what I was expecting but this wasn’t it. I took the first job I could find and promised myself I would be better about money. I then got an apartment as quickly as I could which means I didn’t look around like I should have. I ended up in a tiny efficiency unit and paid way more than what would have been reasonable.
I decorated as cheaply as I could but I still felt down whenever I paid my bills for the month. Not much was left and I felt like a failure. I didn’t have a credit card at the time and I swore I wouldn’t get one. But then I needed a mattress. Weeks went by and the money I had set aside for one would vanish. Eventually I gave in. I got the card for just that one purchase. Everyone was always telling me I needed to develop good credit anyway.
I don’t remember the first thing I bought after the mattress. I think it was an AC unit. And it just all kind of snowballed after that. I stood back and let it. I didn’t ask for help. I bought everything I thought would take my mind off my dead end job with my miserable boss. Nothing worked.
Eventually I managed to quit the horrible job and took a part time job which was walking distance from my house. I did my best at calculating if I could afford it before I took the plunge. Turns out my numbers were off and I couldn’t afford it at all. They came to turn off our heat on my husband’s birthday. That was the kick I needed to get some serious help.
We sought out a financial adviser and made drastic changes in how we deal with money. She rolled her fees into a payment plan and for the first time we could imagine a life without debt. Not when we were thirty five, or forty, or never. Our councilor told us we could be clear in three years.
That moment is when I realized how incredibly stressful and depressing being in debt had been. I was spending what I didn’t have, making excuses for myself and blaming an inanimate piece of plastic.
If you haven’t begun down that road, don’t start. And if you’re struggling remember it is never too late to ask for help and for doing the right thing. Getting out of a financial crisis will free your mind in ways unimaginable right now.
I wouldn’t have believed it myself if we hadn’t accepted the kindness of our adviser, our family and our friends who have been unbelievably supportive of meals in and less expensive outings. The path is long, but as long as one foot is going in front of the other you’re on your way. And that’s the really important part.
